Today I got to spend my morning at a beautiful place. I knew it was going to be a special day because on my drive out to this remote location, I saw new life everywhere. Flowers, lambs, calves, and just the site of the fresh green grass and budding flowers was so refreshing. The mother's hovered over their babies, protecting them. I loved all the sites and wanted to drive slower to watch. I am glad I moved on because Sinsinawa is a breathtaking place to visit and spend the day. It is quiet and peaceful. The stain glass windows are amazing. I was speechless and tears came to my eyes.
My first class I took was from a life coach. She only had 45 minutes to talk and allow us to work on an activity but it was the best 45 minutes of my life. I hope this feeling sticks with me. I have always struggled with feelings from my school years. In a nutshell, I was left out of a lot of groups. I specifically remember, in 8th grade, when a group of girls were standing around talking at recess and I decided to not play ball with the guys (I was a tomboy) and attempt to be a girl. :) When I went to the circle, I was standing in the group and literally the girls closed me out. Now I don't say this to have pity, but this is something I have held inside my whole life. It has affected my relationships, always. I always push away when someone gets too close. So unless you are persistent, you won't break through these walls. ANYWAY, what I learned today is that when you hold onto the negative energy, it shapes who you are. And more importantly, this lady asked, "whatever hurt you in the past, is that who you are today?" WOW! I nearly dropped to the floor. I felt a release from all that I was holding in and decided I am not going to let what happened in 8th grade control me anymore.
I left there and cried a good 15 minutes, then picked myself up, wiped away the tears and decided I will not cry those tears again. Then I went and did Zumba for the first time with out fear or embarrassment (helped that I wasn't the only person who was doing it for the first time ) :) and then I went and drank some wine.
I pray that I hold onto this feeling forever! Please pray for me if you feel the call to do so. Thank you!
Hey Wendy! As someone who has known you for almost your whole life, it makes me sad to hear of your experience in jr. high. I know that I have found myself holding onto old hurts from long ago. Why do we do that? Gah! Nevertheless, I hope you know how cool you always were to me. I tried for so many years to be like you, though sadly, my lack of skill in sports made that fairly impossible. :) Ha! Though somehow, we made it work and we were always good friends. I'm glad you had a chance to enjoy time for just you. It's pretty awesome the person you turned out to be (and were all along). :)
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